thermotron -- How can I become an asshole in five easy steps?- gets the job done-- holland michigan pervert and church goer

• Backstabbing bosses and callous co-workers

  
  
  
  by chota
  
  
  
  
  
  How can I become an asshole in five easy steps?
  
  
  
  
  
  Introduction
  
  
  
  
  
  Have you ever thought that deep down you really were not a nice person? 
  If no, this guide probably is not for you. 
  
  
  If yes, congratulations, you're well on your way to becoming an Asshole! 
  
  
  
  
  
  If you follow these easy steps, you will
  be able to ensure that people think of you as an asshole, and not as a
  mere jerk, putz, loser or boor.
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  1...Step One: Have Impossibly Refined Sensibilities
  
  
  This is the most essential step to becoming an asshole, and probably the most difficult.
  
  
  It requires an amount of study because you will need to know your field.
  
  
  Faking is not an option;
   a fake will be held up as an object of scorn and as a pretentious moron, which is clearly not your objective.  
   
  I'd suggest specializing in a particular area, like hvac  or refrigeration.
   While General Assholery is spectacularly impressive, 
   it requires nearly a lifetime of study to properly attain. 
  
  
  
  
  
  Knowing your field means knowing it utterly; if you intend on being a Field service  Asshole,
   
   you'll not need to be able to instantly tell the
  difference between a sonolid and an electronic relay, you'll need to be able to expound to your customer or co worker on why the former would have been a much better choice to serve
  
  
  2....Step Two: Use Really Big Words
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  This is a much simpler step in your ascendance to Divine Asshole. All you'll need for this is a thesaurus and a dictionary.
  
  
  Take some common place words and replace them with obscure ones, instead
  of "beauty" say "pulchritude", instead of "childish" say puerile.
   
  Make certain that you are properly using your new obscure words; loudly correct anyone who uses them improperly.
  
  
  
  3....Step Three: Choose Something To Hate
  
  
  It doesn't matter what, as long as it is something almost universally loved. Don't hate the French if you're English.
  
  
  
  
  
  Don't hate the Backstreet Boys or N'Sync, or you may be mistaken for a
  wit instead of an asshole. Whatever you do decide to hate, make sure you
  know enough about it to hate it properly, I'd suggest hating something
  in your field of expertise.
  
  
  
  
  
  If you're a field service  Asshole, hate do good people, if you're a Music
  Asshole, try hating Mozart or The Beatles.
   
   Make sure that whatever you
  do hate, is common enough to come up in casual conversation; if you're
  an Art Asshole, don't hate Gustave Caillebotte, as it's hard to bring
  conversation repeatedly around to lesser-known impressionists.
  
  
  
  
  
  Step Four: Always Manage To Turn Conversation Around To You
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  No matter what the topic of conversation is about, make sure you play a
  starring role in it. If someone is complaining about their hateful and
  psychotic ex-boyfriend, tell them all about your evil ex, who was way
  more evil and psychotic then theirs. If you don't have an ex, make one
  up.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  If someone manages to mention something remotely related to your field
  of expertise, monopolize the conversation. If possible, turn the
  conversation back to the thing you chose to hate in Step Three and
  complain loudly about it.
  
  
  
  
  
  Step Five: You Are Always Right, Be Secure In This
  
  
  This is the culmination of your training as an asshole. Once you have mastered the first four steps, you are ready for this.
  
  
  When someone decides to argue with you about the merits of the thing you
  hate in step 3, intellectually bludgeon them using the words you
  learned in step two.
  
  
  This should not be especially difficult if the hated item is one in your
  area of expertise from step one. Resort to ad hominem attacks deriding
  your opponent's intelligence.
  
  
  Don't be overly concerned about being clever, witty or eloquent; you are
  an asshole afterall, not a bitch. If you manage to win the argument
  either by logic and reason or by your opponent leaving in disgust; be an
  ungracious winner and taunt your fallen foe.
  
  
  
  
  
  Conclusion
  
  
  If you carefully adhere to the above steps, you will be a Supreme Asshole in no time.
  
  
  While you may not have many friends,
  
  
  you can be secure in the knowledge that being an asshole is always better than being a jerk or a loser;
  
  
  they not only lack friends, they lack style.
  date a engineer at thermotron-- smile
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